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This was too much fun to resist.  Created with drabble-matic

Flatulant Lang Syne

Dawn sipped jauntily at her drink and stood flatulant behind a math book. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel sparkly and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how grotesque her knee cap got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Dawn knew very well why she was at the party: to see Andrew.

Ah, Andrew. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his velvety hair made Dawn's heart beat like a green-skinned tri-level sorcerer smiting the evil warlord with his shimmering spell of ultimate doom.

But tonight everyone was masked. Dawn peered beseechingly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Andrew. There, she thought, the man over by the super secret spy camera, the slippery one with the bunny mask. It had to be Andrew. No one else could look so irritated, even in a bunny mask.

He began to walk Dawn's way and Dawn started to panic. What if he actually talked to Dawn?

Andrew came right up to Dawn and Dawn thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Andrew said bloodthirstily. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the Fyarl demon," Dawn said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so tiny.

Just then, a luscious voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Dawn's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Andrew might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Andrew swept Dawn into his arms, bent her behind the Alpert mausoleum, and kissed Dawn tantilizingly, slipping her the tongue and groping her left ear.

Dawn could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out annoyingly and pulled Andrew's mask off his face. It was Andrew! "I knew it was you," Dawn said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Andrew said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Dawn watched him go. He would be right back, Dawn was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.

And then they would fall in love.

Somebody stop me... this is way too much fun

I Saw His Left Hand Kissing Santa Claus

Spike woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one slippery box that looked like a feather duster.

Then Spike noticed that his left hand was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Spike thought that he would surprise his left hand. Maybe even sneak up behind him and stroke him on his hard cock. That always made his left hand strong.

Spike crept enthusiastically down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its enviable lights, and the presents, heaped up marvellously, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and his left hand. Kissing someone.

Spike was so angry, he picked up a lucky rabbit's foot from a table and threw it grudgingly under the sarcophagus.

They both looked around.

"his left hand, you purple octopus!" Spike yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Spike looked and then rubbed his fangs and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," his left hand said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a firm kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Spike said horrendously. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be solid."

That seemed reasonable. Spike went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like a limp, wasted noodle after boiling for too long. He made Spike's lip feel all wicked.

"You see?" his left hand said thoroughly and Spike saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.


( 2 have spoken — take the speaking stick )
Sep. 29th, 2010 03:34 am (UTC)
Tragic love!
Well, I read your Dawn/Andrew and just had to respond with an Andrew/Dawn. It had to be done. It had to!

The Adventure Of The Pygmy Marmoset

Andrew and Dawn were out for a delicious Valentine's walk up a tree. As they went, Dawn rested her hand on Andrew's abdomen. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so prurient, Andrew was filled with ungainly dread.

"Do you suppose it's shimmering here?" he asked forcefully.

"You peachy silly," Dawn said, tickling Andrew with her coffee mug. "It's completely ballsy."

Just then, a boring pygmy marmoset leapt out from behind a bed and flirted Dawn in the thigh. "Aaargh!" Dawn screamed.

Things looked itchy. But Andrew, although he was melty, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a shoe and, like a lawnmower that clips the grass neatly and evenly, beat the pygmy marmoset sweetly until it ran off. "That will teach you to flirt innocent people."

Then he clasped Dawn close. Dawn was bleeding intensely. "My darling," Andrew said, and pressed his lips to Dawn's scapula.

"I love you," Dawn said reluctantly, and expired in Andrew's arms.

Andrew never loved again.
Sep. 29th, 2010 04:37 am (UTC)
Re: Tragic love!
I swear this thing is addictive! Lovely Andrew/Dawn addition!
( 2 have spoken — take the speaking stick )


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